Have I told you about the time...I almost drowned my boyfriend?

Have I told you about the time...I almost drowned my boyfriend?

Swimming, in China, isn't really something that children learn as standard. I always found this strange because I started swimming classes when I was 6 weeks old and I absolutely love being in the water. But in China, as in a lot of Asian countries, people don't really learn to swim and every so often a news story will pop up about someone who fell into a river (usually because they were looking at their phone) and drowned because they didn't know how to swim.

Of course, some people can swim and I have written about my experience of going to the swimming pool in Suzhou (long story short, everyone in the pool stopped swimming so that they could better stare at me and my friend swimming. It's very unnerving so bob up to take a breath and see a pool full of eyes looking at you.), but my boyfriend in Yinchuan was not one of these people.

So when we went on holiday to China's tropical island of Sanya he decided that he wanted to learn to swim. I will say that Orion has an endless enthusiasm to learn and can pretty much learn anything. But I, as the helpful girlfriend, decided that since I was a strong swimmer I could definitely help him to learn to swim.

So on the beach one day we just decided to give it a go.

We got in the sea up to our knees and then I decided that the best way to learn to swim was to first learn to float. I still think that this makes sense, if you can float then you won't die if the swimming isn't going so well. It's all very logical.
But for a moment, I ask you to think about how to float. Really think about it, how does one float?
You just kind of lean back and do it right? Stand in the water, lift your feet up and your body just magically floats up to the top of the water. Stick your hips up to aid the buoyancy and there you go! You can float for hours!

It turns out that this isn't some kind of impulse that all humans have.
Public service announcement: We do not have the innate ability to float.
Orion learnt this the hard way.

So, we're in the water. Not just the water, we're in the sea. It's a little bit choppy, but the waves don't bother me - I can swim! I tell Orion to lean back and float, at first I'm supporting his weight and he's doing it, he's floating! Then, I take off the training wheels, so to speak.

"Float!" I shout, "Float and enjoy the sea!"
"But how do I float?!" Orion shouts back, suddenly realising that he can't touch the seabed anymore.

We seem to have drifted slightly.

Unsurprisingly, Orion starts to panic a little bit and this doesn't help the floating. He's flailing! He's drowning!

And I, the terrible person that I am, can't stop laughing. I am hysterical at this point and almost drowning myself from laughing too much. I'm trying to prop him up, but it's really hard to laugh, tread water and prop up a fully grown man at the same time!

Oh god, we're both going to die.

Finally I manage to grab a limb and drag him slightly closer to shore so that we can both stand up. We're safe, we haven't drowned, and Orion is never ever going to trust me to help him swim ever again.
Fair enough really.

Eventually we moved to a hotel with a pool and Orion actually did manage to teach himself how to swim in two days using YouTube and trial and error (something that is much less dangerous in a still swimming pool than open sea). Turns out he didn't need me to help after all, if only he had realised that before I almost drowned him!

Me looking for someone else to drown